Saturday, July 05, 2008

Heaven On A Stick

Being the fine, upstanding American citizens that we are, Alpha Grandma and I decided to spend our expatriated 4th of July energies getting pleasantly buzzed on French rosé and then inventing new and ever more delectable ways to devour a bag of the Norwegian delicacy that is Smash.

Think Bugles dipped in chocolate, then try not to whince, for while I admit that this combination might sound odd and unpalatable, I assure you that it is not. It is, infact, pure mana sent down from the boisterous bounty of very Valhalla. Pure Viking genius I tell you! Because you know how vexing it is sometimes when you can't decide if you want something salty or something sweet? Well fret no more, friends and neighbors, because Smash has made it so you never have to decided again! Salt and sweet in one glorious, crunchy bite. Perfection. And incidently, one of only 5 material benefits that make life in Norway marginally more sustainable than life in America.

Yet somehow, Alpha Grandma and I have found a way to improve on this already heavenly treat.

So without further ado I give you--the Smorsh--

The Method:

First off, you poor sods stateside are going to have to ask me to send you a bag of Smash, for as far as I know, it's not available over yonder. You're on your own for the marshmallows and the roasting sticks. Once you've gathered these key raw materials, you'll need to stoke up your campfire, then lay out your coals in the usual fashion. Begin by roasting a single marshmallow on all sides to golden, bubbly goodness. Then remove the marshmallow from the coals, and gently lift what Grandma and I hilariously (and not at all childishly) referred to as its foreskin about halfway up the *snickersnickersnortsnort* shaft. Carefully place a single Smash (coneside down) into the resulting sticky hallow, then gently fold the foreskin over the Smash. Now return the whole thing to the coals, and further roast the sticky underbelly of the marshmallow until you see the chocolate tip of the Smash begin to melt. Behold--the Smorsh!

Here's a magnificent picture of Grandma deep throating one of our creations. Observe the quiet rapture. The private ecstasy. I assure you, the Smorsh is every bit as good as it looks.

I'm going to let Alpha Grandma tell you the rest of the story of our 4th of July campfire barbeque. It was, after all, her grace under pressure that got us into the mess in which we ultimately landed. Suffice it to say, it involved skipping stones and two fully-clothed, semi-sober women dragging their sorry American selves out of the lake. There may have been some screeching and extremely hysterical laughter, as well, but it was largerly drowned out by the children's shouts of, "Do it again! Do it again!" and "Me too! Me too!"

Good times, people. Good times.


Trace said...

Ah, this one is a deliciously written classic to be put into a treasured carnal of literature. Especially the comment about what Alpha Grandma is doing to the "magnificent creation" - I choked on my water when I read that line.

As far as the photo of the melting chocolate tip arising out of the melted mallow? No. Brings back bad memories of little male dogs that were in our neighborhood when I was a kid.

Love you all and wish I could have been there with you... remember, I am a lightweight... just think of the endless possibilities for humor there!

Joanne Rasmussen said...

The only smash we get here is dried potatoe flakes. Get post.

jillybaby said...

Oh my poor poor mother. The only thing she liked about me living in Norway was Smash and now that I've left, her supply has stopped.

On the 'Smorsh' I have to disagree. Smash should only be eaten straight out of the fridge preferably if they had melted slightly beforehand so that they all stick together...mmmmm heaven. I do like toasted marshmallows though, just not melted chocolate. It has to be cold, really cold. Oh I need chocolate now.

American in Norway said...

Hey there! OK... I have already bought my smash to take home & share...(please please please let us make it home in 14 days) But have also figured I could make them with some bugles.... SMASH does rock...& the only I am loving here... Glad you popped in!

Guitar said...

You always should yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. That looks like a tasty treat. I hope you send some back with Alpha G.
Do they go good with wine??
What am I saying? What doesn't????