Monday, December 08, 2008

A Few Words About The Multi-Million Dollar Wedding

A--It didn't really cost that much.  It's just how much the groom is worth, so I judge it as such.

B--I forgot my camera, so you'll never know how fabulous (or utterly not) I looked.

C--The Christmas potential of this early December date was grossly under utilized.  No lights, no trees, not so much as a single poinsettia in sight.  The only thing she (the bride) did winter-right was a heavy brocade over-coat with a white fur trimmed collar.  No elbow length gloves though, no muff.  And I did dispair.

D--Reindeer was served as the main course.  Rudolph tastes best when seared quickly on all sides, then wrapped in foil to rest in a very low temperature oven for maybe 15 minutes.  The blood should be warm--not cold. 

E--Vixen is looking forward to his chance to lead the team this year.

F--I was not the only American in attendance.  I was, however, the only one who enjoyed dinner.

G--I counted 3 fer-sures, 2 problees, and 4 might-as-welluv-been recycled bride's maid dresses in the crowd.  I spent a good portion of the evening wondering what Jilly would have to say about this phenomenon.

H--The music was live.  Accordians were involved.  The second song out was a soft-rock meets polka rendition of  "I Shot the Sheriff".  And I did dispair.

I--It seems money really doesn't necessarily buy taste.

J--It can buy a damn fine chef though.  Have I mentioned the crab salad?

K--I knew exactly two people at this multi-million dollar wedding:  Mister, and the multi-million dollar groom.   Both of whom I danced with. 

L--One of these men grabbed my ass mid-dip.

M--The crab salad was worth the grope.

N--All in all, it was a fine wedding. 

O--But a Christmas wedding it certainly wasn't.  Which is sad, because I've always wanted to go to one of those.....


Queen LaTeacha said...

Duh! How can you forget your camera at such an event? It's not like you're likely to be invited to such a grand soiree very often. Too bad they didn't make the most of a Christmas theme. You should have done that. I tried to tell you! But no, you didn't want to worry about the logistics of getting 27 Wegies here, safely and on time for the nuptuals. I tried.

Queen LaTeacha said...

uh.....what happened? You didn't want to worry about the logistics of getting 27 Wegies here safely and on time for the nuptuals. I tried.

Queen LaTeacha said...

Uh....apparently nothing happened. Please to ignore.

Trace said...

A fun winter wedding! I enjoy all the sweet and funny nuances that weddings hold.

Although with eyes closed, I am envisioning the scene: accordian enhanced "I Shot The Sheriff"... a multitude of more than likelee recycled bridesmaid dresses... the mid-dip ass grab...

Can you get a copy of the video? :)

Amy said...

How can you have a Christmas wedding and NOT have twinkling white lights and some poinsettias? Isn't that the point of getting married in December? Otherwise, you're just getting married in the cold.

JEDA said...

"Otherwise, you're just getting married in the cold."

Word, Amy. Word. Up.

And YOU, dearest Mother.....Do not even go there with me. The 27 weather-hardened vikings would have been the least of our worries. It would have been the 80or so candy-ass Utahns who apparently go weak at the knees at the sight of a little bity-bit of snow on the road that would have held up the party.

But would I have cared? No. Because there I would have been looking magical in my heavy brocade, and my fur, and my muff, surrounded by 10,000 fairy lights, 3 miles of fragrant garlands, and a forest red and white poinsettias. It would have been the nut-bloody-cracker up there, and me and the Norwegians would have rocked that winter white hard, and given grateful thanks all night long to all the sissified Utahns who bailed and left us all that extra booze.

Not that I didn't enjoy my summer wedding....that was a nice way to go's just that, you know...a dream's a dream...and, well.....I have one, see.....

And yes, I really should have taken my camera.

Anonymous said...

Look JEDA winter weddings are not all they're cracked up to be - my folks got married early December. There were no wedding gowns, no poinsettias, no white fur and muffs. Their reception was an Alexander Brothers gig with 2 friends and they went back to work on the Monday.

Okay okay so she was 'in the family way' at the time but that's not the point.

On the other hand, my wedding was early June (although I wanted May) and it pissed it down for the entire day. But the good news was that my bridesmaid has worn her dress several times since!!!

There's no such thing as a fairy tale wedding, it's what comes after that counts. Oh that was a bit profound for a Tuesday morning - maybe it's because Ben Folds is playing on the radio. Shit I need a caffeine boost.

Anyhoo, how was the 'getting to know you' outfit? Did it kick some viking ass??? Stick with me lovie and you'll be alright :)

JEDA said...

Debbie December Downer!


Ya' hear. Just shush!

There is too such a thing as a fairy tale wedding. I know because it's playing on an endless loop in my head.

Also, I'm very much enjoying reading and saying the word 'muff'. That's my word of the moment: muff. White, furry muff....ew....wait a minute....

Guitar said...

A sissified Utahn want to know how much booze you have had this evening????? You are rather mean to us today..

Alpha Grandpa said...

Sissified? I might resemble that remark, but I think I you could go to your wedding under any condition.God bless Americans Who the hell is rich guy?

Anonymous said...

Muff...huhuhuhuh *a la Beavis and Butthead style*. Yeah, I'm but a 10year old too...

Trace said...

This 'white furry muff talk bring back memories of my lifeguarding days years ago when I would oversee the very elderly come for their pool therapy. I have seen my share of said muffness, and lack thereof as well. Ditto on the eew.