Sunday, May 04, 2008

The Couple Who Drinks Together, Stays Together

The Scene:
Friday night. 9-ish. Kids are in bed. So far no one has come out puking. Looks to be a quiet night.

Explanatory note:
We have one TV in the house located in the upstairs living room; we spend most of our time in the downstairs living room where there’s nothing but each other and the fire by way of entertainment—and the ipod of course, which is on low, rotating through a playlist of late 80’s-era Sting, U2, and Springsteen, with an occasional dash of REM, which may or may not be contributing to Mister’s brooding.

One last thing:
underholdning” is Norwegian—means “entertainment”

Him: So. You didn’t like your birthday present very much, did you?

Me: 50” wide-screen TV? What every girl dreams of. Why?

Him: We never watch it. Not together anyway.

Me: We’ve talked about this before, dearest. You and I have a conflict of interests where our TV viewing is concerned.

Him: So? You know I’m not picky. I’ll watch whatever.

Me: You say that now. You might even mean it. But when we're sitting up there together, I feel obligated to watch something you’ll like.

Him: Nobutno. But seriously. I’m fine with whatever. You always get the remote anyway. Do whatever you want with it. Except flip channels. I hate that.

Me: But that’s what I do.

Him: Why? Why do you do that? How can you know whether or not a program is worth watching unless you sit still and watch it?

Me: Look. I know myself well enough to know that I’m not going enjoy anything with the words “norsk” or “underholdning” in the description. Ditto the words “dance”, “idol”, “reality” and/or “contestant”. So why wouldn’t I quickly flip past any and all of that crap?

Him: But some of those Norwegian talk shows can be kind of funny sometimes.

Me: To you maybe. Not to me.

Him: I’m sure you’d like them if you’d just give them a chance.

Me: *heavy sigh* So what are you trying to tell me here? Would you like to go upstairs and watch the Friday night talk shows? Cuz’ you can. You’re certainly free to do that if that’s what you want to do.

Him: Not necessarily.

Me: But you want to watch TV?

Him: I don’t know. Maybe.

Me: And the talk shows are what you’d be watching if it were up to you?

Him: Well. That’s really hard to say when I’m not sitting right there in front of the TV. How am I supposed to know what I’ll be in the mood for.

Me: *heavy, heavy sigh* Honey. Help me out. What are we talking about right now?

Him: Just wondering what it says about us as a couple if we can’t even watch TV together. That’s all.

Me: Not much! I mean, honestly! I don’t get my mother’s TV viewing pleasures either, and I still like her a lot, and consider us quite close.

Him: *silent pout*

Me: And besides, every pop psychologist’s guide on how to build a stronger relationship with your partner begins and ends with TURN THE TV OFF! According to their logic, we’re like the healthiest couple we know.

*thoughtful pause*

Him: So, I’ll open another bottle then?

Me: Christ, I thought you’d never ask!


jillybaby said...

Oh that's hillarious! I can just picture the 2 of you having that conversation. And for what it's worth, I would opt for the ipod and wine every time!!!

Queen LaTeacha said...

That is so funny! You've really captured the non-committal guy I know and love. It's so hard to make a decision until you're actually faced with having to make a decision. Guys! They're't they though?

Anonymous said...

Wine and good music are sure marriage-boosters. But don't you guys ever feel like renting a movie every now and then?