Friday, November 14, 2008

New This Season: SAD Steals My Writing Chops

Look, I'm sorry, all right.  I've tried.  I've really tried.  I spent three days working on this piece about my run in with Mormon missionaries in the library, then realized I was knee deep in a pile of steaming shit and wisely walked away.  Then I made Norwegian weirdness #7 for dinner and tried to write about that for awhile until it dawned on me that there's really nothing particularly funny to say about stewed lamb and cabbage.  But hey, if anyone needs an artfully framed picture of a pile of steaming shit Fårikål, let me know.  I've got them with and without my sky blue tea kettle in the back ground.

My kids aren't being funny.  My husband isn't being very funny.  My cat is dying a slow miserable death and I can't afford to take him back to the vet, which is so unfunny as to break your heart.  I could tell you all about the three parent-teacher conferences I've attended over the past two weeks, but the basic conclusion would be Boy is intellectually immature and Elder Miss is turning into a moody loner who prefers books to friends, and this strikes me as, well, singularly unfunny.  As would be the long screed of steaming shit righteous invective against Boy's teacher who I'm pretty sure has just written him off as an educational loss because at 6 years and 3 months he's still a bit puppyish and short of attention.  She actually said to me, "I don't even want to talk about anything academic for him until after Easter, but can you tell me why he cries so easily?" 

Um, because you're a cold-hearted bitch? 

Maybe?

See?  Unfunny, and now I'm crying.

I don't do well with the perma-gloam of winter in Mordor Bergen.  Too obvious, right?

I am being smarter about my reading material this year though.  Khaled Hosseini has been banished, and anything revisiting the Holocaust can wait unitl after Easter along with Boy's delayed education.  I'm spending this winter with two of the fattest science fictiony bull shit novels you've ever seen--Pandora's Star and its sequel.  A thousand plus pages of mindless drivel each.  Not exactly the most inspiring prose ever written, but it'll get me through to January in one piece.

So, I'm still here.  I'm just not writing much.

I go through this every year.  I'm fine.  Whatever. 

Tis' the season, right?

9 comments:

jillybaby said...

Hey JEDA lovie, you know I hate this SAD thing. You're the only one I know who suffers and you really do suffer and that's certainly not funny.

BUT...your eternally optimistic friend is coming to cheer you up in just under 2 weeks! I will bring with me booze...lots of booze which in turn will bring much laughing and possibly vomiting but that's ok, no really it is! I have some trinkets for the kids so maybe they'll start being funny again.

Worry not doll. Winter is almost over (ok so that was a blatant lie but you can't blame a gal for trying now can you!).

So buck up lady and prepare yourself for the best thanksgiving EVER!

Oh and the kids...don't worry mine are no angels either.

Fabrizio said...

Feel for you, fellow foreigner in Bergen :(.

Come on, the rain will stop, and that teacher will have to die sooner or later...

Nita said...

When Mark was in 1st grade I would take him screaming into class every day. At parent teacher conference the teacher said I know I have gone to far when I make Mark cry. I felt like saying you bitch how dare you make my son cry but of course I didn't. Mark has turned out fine despite her, wait a minute maybe I can blame all of his health problems on first grade.

hexe said...

Here's hoping that global warming comes your way soon. I find Florida's perpetual warm weather depressing as hell this time of year because there is no snow or change of season. How about a house swap :)

Queen LaTeacha said...

Ahhhh, it must be late fall in Norway. It's so SAD. (Now THAT was funny!)

Seriously, have you thought any more about one of those SAD lights? They sell them at Coscto for $119. I'd get you one if you could plug it in. But alas, 3-prongs and 2-prongs are thousands of miles apart.

And about my Daniel. She sees him in ONE setting directed by HER to do what SHE wants. If he doesn't fit HER mold, then she thinks the problem must be with HIM. She's full of shit. Not all teachers are as brilliant and accomodating as moi! He's been in 1st grade for less than a half year. He hasn't really even settled in yet.

But I WOULD let her know that you feel like she's labeled him and you're not comfortable with that. You could tell to feel free to make an observation, but please DO NOT make a prediction. Or, conversely, you could tell her to eat shit and die -- and who IS her immediate supervisor anyway?

It hurts to have somebody summarize, label, or catagorize your offspring, because it's so damn personal. Do you remember Mrs. Denero? (or whatever her stupid name was!) I'd have gladly stapled her to her own pathetic bulletin board. This too shall pass.

And your concern about Miss EM being a bookish loner? What is that saying about the apple not falling far from the tree?

Parenting isn't for the faint of heart. But it comes with SO MANY perks and soft sides. Concentrate on the bright side and keep in mind that tomorrow is another day and next year is another year. (I have NO IDEA why that should be soothing or encouraging! It's my mother showing through. EEEEKKKKK!)

Trace said...

Fabrizio is right, and she probably is using Daniel as a "vent vessel" for another twisted and paranoid behavior of her own that she has to deal with.

I have had SAD, and it is very real and unbelievingly controlling. It began a year before my mom's passing, so you can imagine how doubly hard it became for the decade that followed. Every January until mid March mine would hit. Chad would ask, every year, when it would subside... is there a med I can take... therapy? He is such a "fix it" guy, you know.

But the last few years, it has sort of slowly dissapated and although I experience the longing for warmth and sunshine, it isn't nearly as intense ans it was.

You, on the other hand, have constant rain and lack of sunshine prior to winter even arriving! You are within the dreary atmosphere for much of the time, so no wonder you become stagnant and down.

I hear ya, girl, and am thinking of you. Wish you were near so I could have a sister in law to hang with and do things with.

Amy said...

I feel your pain. I have nothing new to say on my blog either...

Victoria said...

I'm sorry your feeling down. :-(
I hope your kitty gets better - I guess Norway doesn't have low cost vet clinics do they? hahahah - just realized i made a joke there.

Really I hope you feel better soon - my friend would say take your fish oil but I'm not convinced that actually works.

The Fairchild Family said...

Ok - so you need to tell me about the Mormon Missionary run in. I giggled when I read that. You just can't get away from us!!!! HA HA HA!