Friday, July 20, 2007


Home Sweet Home

But it's not. Not really. After being shut up for four weeks, it's taken on that musty, abandoned odor that I tend to associate with second-hand stores and root cellars. Not exactly a warm and inviting welcome, but it sure beats the shit out of an airplane, so I was glad to see it nonetheless.

Everything went as smoothly as possible. Flights were on time. Food was surprisingly tasty. Kids slept some. Luggage followed us. And customs officers ignored us. We dragged our furry teeth and sore asses through the door around noon yesterday and went directly to bed.

For now, we have succumbed entirely to the jet lag. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the kids out of bed before 10 a.m., but to be honest, I don't really see the point. It's summer. We've got nothing to do and no where to be. Who cares if it takes us the next two weeks to fully adjust our internal clocks? Mister maybe, but we stopped listening to him years ago.

I've spent the afternoon trying to come up with some clever way to segue into the following odd aspect of my trip. But seeing as its apropos of nothing very important, and I'm not really all that smart anyway, I'm just going to leave it dangling awkwardly out there, third nipple like, to sink or swim on its own merits.


The nature of my flying phobia continues to morph and grow into ever more irrational mindfuckery. Last year, with the threat of liquid explosives fresh on everyone's mind, I was haunted by the image of large holes being blown in the fuselage and my babies being sucked one by one from my meager arms. I was a total bitch about seat belts, constantly nagging the kids to keep them on, cinching them tighter and tighter across their thighs like maybe that would help. The summer before last it was hijaking--being seperated from my kids, or worse, killed in front of them--that worried me most.

This summer the menace of terrorism lay strangely dormant in my imagination. Instead, at odd times during the flight, my mind would seize upon enormity of the dark distance seperating my feet from the ground. Lame as it sounds, I could quite literally feel the abyss opening up under me--my toes would curl, my knees would pull upwards into my belly, and I could feel vertigo pulling me downwards until I could settle my mind back on whatever inane movie I'd put on the screen infront of me

P.S. Blades of Glory is, without question, the dumbest movie ever made, but it served its purpose well on that airplane.


Jilly Baby said...

Although flying for me is fun, I'm totally with you on the terrorism fear thing. Not sure if the news reached SLC but a few weeks ago 2 crazed suicide bombers drove their explosive laden jeep into the front door of Glasgow airport while we were staying a couple of miles away! Their attempt was thwarted by the large signpost outside which they just couldn't get past! Still managed to set fire to the front entrance and badly injure themselves into the bargain.

All very scary but possibly the worst thing (for them) is that they'll be charged, sentenced then sent to Barlinnie Prison...oh dear oh dear oh dear. My guess is that they'll last maybe 6 months before the Glesga Heavies get them.

No less than they deserve!!!

JEDA said...

"Not sure if the news reached SLC..." That's cute, Jilly. I mean, JAY-sus! We DO have televisions even in Utah. Newspapers too. Hard as it was to tear our attention away from the latest news of Paris Hilton, we did all manage to take a minute to absorb the latest terrorist atrocity. Everyone asked about you too. I told them you weren't flying anywhere this summer, so you were fine.

Sheesh. Reminds of the time Auntie Wag asked me if we could get chicken all the way over there in deepest Norway. And then my head exploded.

Jilly Baby said...

Oh keep your wig on JEDA. Just wasn't sure if my little Scottish home town was worthy of international news. We got a couple of days coverage here then straight back to " let's see what's happening in London...the centre of the universe".

It's a well known fact that people from London and the south-east think that the UK only goes as far as Birmingham!

By the way...thank you family of JEDA for caring about me :D

The Alpha Grandma said...

I remember going through different stages of fear about flying, especially when you and the steps were on the plane with me.

And then sometime between "what-would-they-do-without-me" and "they-would-all-survive-without-me", the fear went away and the freedom of fatalism set in. I mean, really, there are so many things over which you have absolutely NO control. As a mother of young ones, I don't think you ever really accept that, but as a footloose, fancy-free, and fatalistic grandma.....I get it.

Uncle Pete said...

Hey, I'm not sure whose-who on here, but I think you're the Jeda babe. Anyway, so sorry you missed the pleasure of talking with me while you were in Salt Lake. I really thought your Ma Ma told me that your return to the foreign shore was not until mid August. But when I called last weekend to chat with you, she said that you left last week. I'm sure had you have known that I was going to call last week-end, you would have extended your stay. Anyway, I am truly sorry not to have heard your sweet young voice. But, is it Alpha Grandma or Auntie Wag, I'm confused, anyway, she told me that it was a wonderful visit and the grandkids are beautiful!
Rosemary and I would still like to come to the Norweigan Country some day perhaps on a cruise or just on a self planned tour. We spent two weeks in Alaska last year with several of my high school classmates and their wives and really enjoyed it. And we are getting together in Sep in Pismo Beach, CA to celebrate our 70th birthdays together. I use to think people that age were really old, but now I don't. You seem to get a much better perspective on what life is really about at this age. At least I'm feeling like I do.
Well my little Jeda darling, it's getting late here, so I wish you and Mister and all the little ones well and hope you'll be lucky enough to catch me next time you trip the light fantastic to the USA.


Uncle Pete

JEDA said...

Uncle Pete!!!?!

Dude, I totally thought you had returned to the mothership via tornado or something. Otherwise, yes, I most certainly would have waited for your call before heading home! I've been dying to tell you all about how much I heart Al Gore, and how I think he's a shoe-in for President. Any thoughts on how I can convince him to run?

Give Rosemary my best. I've thought about her a lot over the past few months. I hope she's doing well. And I absolutely insist that you celebrate her full recovery by bringing her here to Norway for a wee visit. Have you heard about my apple pie? Ask Alpha Grandma about my pie. That should convince you to come....

Jilly Baby said...

Hey Uncle Pete (whoever you are), you should go to Norway, her apple pie really is rather good but her use of the word 'wee' is worrying. She's been around me too long!!!