Tuesday, April 03, 2007

NB!

I am pleased to announce the following revisions to the curriculum vitae JEDA 101:

7--I can't parallel park. This is no longer true, for I can, and have several times now, in fact, executed flawless such parking maneuvers outside The Boy's school. Yey me!

62--I'm pushing at a size 12 and it's killing me. Also, now, false. All the long, dark winter--through pissing rain, and grueling cold--I busted my ass out there on the pavement. I shaved 4 minutes off my 5K, I added an additional 2.5 kilometers to my overall endurance. I'm back into a comfortable--roomy, even--size 10 with genuine hope of seeing a size 8 once again in my lifetime. I know you already know how much I rock, but I need you to take a moment to really feel it with me.

78--Nothing makes me happier than watching a toddler try to dance. I never much liked this entry. It was hasty filler, sentimental fluff, grossly exaggerated nonsense that, frankly doesn't ring true. There are many, many things that make me happier than watching a toddler dance. Off the top of my head--putting that toddler to bed, for example, never fails to gladden my spirit in a way that the awkward bump and swagger of her diapered derrière simply can't. However, rather than try to pin down and label the one thing which makes me happier than all other things, I wish to amend #78 entirely so that it now reads: I actually kind of like my crappy Kia.

3 comments:

La Dragon said...

WELL. You rock so much it's ridiculous. Nicely done.

By the way, not to start this again, but finally having seen Joe, I have to say... Steve is far superior.

JEDA said...

Steve is a pussy, Nan. A scrawny, wanker of a pussy. Joe could--and probably has--cleaned up the playground with Steve's boney ass many times. In fact, that's probably how Joe got the job. There was a pathetically short fight. Joe got Steve in a headlock, made him say Uncle, then made him promise to hand over his shirt, his show, and his little dog too.

Anonymous said...

Yeh but.....I heard Joe killed himself. Fact or urban legend? Somebody enlighten me.

The Alpha Grandma