I spent some time last week digging through a box of my old school stuff, and came across my Jr. High School yearbooks.
What a gas! What a lark!
I suppose it's possible that I'm the only one who'll be amused by any of this, but I'm going to share a few highlights from the signature pages anyway--14 year olds are ever so witty and eloquent, how could I not pass on a few of these gems to you?
"So sad it was so rad....."
"Have a gnarly summer. Don't get frost bite (haha)......"
"Hopefully your summer is long and useful, like toilet paper."
"Let's do stuff this summa' K?" She used summa' twice in the same message. In my head, I hear Timmy from South Park.
There were many, many references to Crisco and sexual fantasies the significance of which I have totally forgotten.
"Your sexual fantasies were awesome!"
"Hey Crisco, tell me some more stories, your so sexy!"
I swear to God, no idea. But I shudder to think what filth I might have been filling their minds with.
"Too bad I hated you through so much of elementary school."
It's fine. Turns out, she had good reason to hate me.
Loved this one: "You are so cute you make me sick!"
But it was slightly tempered by this on the very next page: "Stay sophistcated (haha)"
This one was lovely, from a very sweet person I wish I had spent more time with: "I hope you reach your intellectual high this summer."
But then some jackass wrote this right underneath it: "You have no scruff and I hate you." Actually, Andy, who I'm sure is a 1st counselor in the sainted Church by now, wrote vile, nasty things to me all three years. Betcha' he totally liked me.
The picture galleries were a veritable orgie of mullets (of both the male and female varieties) and 3" mall-rat bangs, but those were the days, damn it!
In the 7th grade book, I came across a picture of John Stockton looking all of about 16 years old. I still remember the assembly he hosted. People were all a-buzz that day because we knew a Jazz player was coming to the school and everyone hoped it would be someone big like Mark Eaton or maybe even Frank Layden. Then we got there, and it turned out to be this tiny little rookie, there to talk to us about setting goals and reaching our full potential. What.Ever wee white boy. He was nothing but heckled and ridiculed. Who knew, eh?
For the three years, 1986-1988, I counted a total of 46 "Stay cute and cool"s or "Cool and cute"s, plus this slightly more painful version "You are like really chicky and cool! Like stay a chick! Ok?"
I'm happy to report I'm still way chicky and really cool, so like, mission totally accomplished!